Let's be real - times right now are pretty tough and as much as I blog and write about all the good stuff and fun we have over here, things aren't all peachy keen here all of the time. We still have our fair share of struggles. For one, I'm still recovering from stage 3 breast cancer treatments and surgeries and have plenty of current ailments to go with, a husband whose had the brunt of our family needs and issues fall on his shoulders for the past year and a half, our 2 year old Ryan who has a bit of a speech delay, with communication difficulties (which we are currently working with a speech therapist for) which can result in screaming multiple times a day, Matthew who is 6 years old going on 13? maybe and has learned to talk back, all long with normal daily issues that arise and then the current pandemic situation, in which we are still abiding by all regulations and taking all precautions because I'm considered high risk as well as certain family members who are that we've been able to see, so there's really never a day without a dull moment around here. What I've learned though, through lots of amazing coaching, is how to find something good in every negative situation, how to make the best of every situation, as best as we can ( even if that means taking the necessary breaks to connect with the powers that be to find your Zen...) and if need be, to take things one day at a time or even one minute or one second at a time. That's how I got through every single day, for months and months of my chemo treatments and beyond.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I have PTSD and extremely high anxiety and for me, being able to find ways to control negative situations has been so useful for me. Not letting the negative situations control me, but I take the control back because I'm able to do with it what I may. Sometimes it's taking a break from the kids and from my husband and going into a quiet space with calm music or sometimes it's floating in our pool by myself with some music. Sometimes it's exercising or sometimes it's taking my computer and writing as much as I need to. Sometime's its just getting on the floor and playing with my boys and sometimes.... it's skimming our pool.
At the beginning of this whole pandemic, my husband and I agreed that things would get bad and contrary to other people's opinions, once things would start to open up, we knew we wouldn't be taking part. It's just too risky for us. So, with a lot of thought and preparation, and a lot of Amazon shopping (sorry Jason! lol), we created an environment inside of our home and in our backyard for all of us to thrive together. We don't have the biggest of spaces, but we have as much as we need to make it work and we made sure that our kids would have everything they could need for playing and learning and Jason and I have been able to be in communication with each other in regards to what we both need as well. We have a schedule for the kids, which we don't follow all of the time, but it helps us and helps the kids to know when to expect to be inside or outside, lunch and snacks, and tv time, and play time. Jason and I know when we want to have family time, when the kids should play on their own, and when we as adults need our own space by ourselves for a bit. And throughout this time home together, we've learned to recognize signs from each other for when one of us needs a break. Sometimes there are days when I'm great and I don't need a break at all. And then there are those days when I need lots of breaks, because I'm human and I'm a mom and I'm recovering from cancer and under normal circumstances life is a lot to handle sometimes, but the world is just crazy right now and sometimes its all just too much. So, I take a break.
Being married for 11 years and together for a total of 14 years, of course Jason and I know each other well, but being home with each other every day for so long now, we are more in tune with each other and to what each other might need, more so than ever before. Which ends up being so important because sometimes if I'm not able to say myself that I need to walk away and take a break, Jason just knows. And as hard as it is to do it, I've learned that it's okay to take breaks and it's okay to tell your children you'd love to play with them but right now there is something you have to take care of first, and it's okay for your children to see you taking breaks because it's called self-care, which is important for our children to learn to do as well. And it's okay to ask for help.
Taking a break for me, means trying to find ways to get out of my own head and although meditation might be a go to for many, I can't seem to make it work for me. I need to focus my mind on something else and with meditation, even guided, I just can't seem to get out of my head. By writing, I can process my thoughts and get it all out. By listening to music, I can concentrate on the words (and I love to sing as loud as I can) so that helps, but there's something about the water whether it be swimming, floating or now skimming which leaves me feeling at ease the most. To me, skimming the pool is kind of metaphoric, as I skim all the debris from bottom to top and dump it all out, it's almost like I'm scooping up all of my layers that I'm trying to rid and be done with and it becomes very therapeutic. I see the particles of dirt floating around in the water and although I cannot control the where they land, even with a pool cover, or how some still actually get in, I can control how I scoop them up and I can control how I get rid of them. Almost like our lives.... sometimes things can seem out of control, but all you really have to do is change your mindset and take the control back. The control is in how you respond to the given situation. It's a hard thing to do, as it's taken me a very long time to start to do this myself and I'm still a work in progress. And its funny that when I concentrate on skimming and getting all of the debris that's floating around, I'm focused and not really thinking of anything else... so for me, it works.
I bet you were wondering about the title of this blog, but now you have it. So, I find myself skimming the pool a lot these days. And the best part, no one ever asks me why or questions me. They just let me be. And I get my time and I get to do whatever I need to do to be okay. To be okay for myself, for my husband, for my kids, for anyone who is a part of my life.
Times are definitely tough right now and we really don't know what will happen next so in order to get through it all, my advice, is to take each day as slow as you need to, but also try to find the good and realize the most important things. Be grateful for the things that you do have and realize the many things you still can do, even if you are like us and still stuck in your own home.
What do you do to take your mind off of it all? Feel free to share... I'd love to know.
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