I want to preface that this piece right here, is not intended towards anyone, nor is it about anyone in particular. These are my own thoughts, research on the matter, and my own opinions and views on the world today, at this present time.
I consider myself a very kind and loving person. I always have been. Ask anyone who knows me...I'm always thinking of others and how my actions or words can have an impact on other people, good or bad. Even writing this right now, I'm worried about who I might offend...but as a writer and a person with a voice, I feel there are others out there who may feel like I do. So I write and I share.
I always want to help other people and not only in hard times, but at anytime that I can be of assistance. Some people can mistake my kindness as overstepping or as in that I know more, but those who really, truly know me, they know that is NOT the case. I just don't like to see people struggle because I know what struggling is. I know what struggling in lots of different capacities can look like and if I can help just one person not to be where I was or sometimes where I still am some of these days right now, then I will. I don't claim to know everything and I never will, but I know what hard times in certain situations can feel like and can look like and offering my advice or my perspective sometimes seems like the right thing to do. Anyone who truly knows me and those who love me the most know what I'm about and what I stand for. My support groups all know as well :)
I'm always about kindness. It's important to be kind, it's important to be caring, it's important to be mindful and it's also important to stand your ground and stand for what you believe in. Respectfully. Sometimes, and these days more than others, it seems to me that standing your ground and standing for what you believe in makes you seem unkind, when in fact it's really just coming down to what you think is best for your family, for the world, for your own lives. Right now being kind, seems to me, is incorporated with be being respectful to those who are still fearful from the world outside and involves learning about what you can do to help protect those you love.
These days being kind, isn't thinking about yourself or what can be done for you...it's more about thinking about others and how our actions can affect other people, in these unprecedented times. Being mindful and considerate of someone else's needs, not just your own. And that got me thinking, as my brain is always turning these days. Kind. Be kind to others. Show others kindness. Kindness matters. Acts of kindness. Mindfulness. These are terms and phrases we hear a lot, especially with everything taking place in the world today, but what does the word "kind" really mean? And what does the word "kind" really mean to other people. I would like to take a bit to dive deeper into this word "kind", because although "being kind" is the phrase of the time, I'm not actually sure if I truly believe that it is in fact being utilized the way it is intended to be used. To me, the world just doesn't seem to be kind these days.
Upon figuring out exactly how I'd like this piece to go, I wanted to see the true definition of the word "kind" so I googled the exact meaning. This is what I found. According to Dictionary.com the definition of the word kind can be taken in several different contexts. Quoted exactly from the source itself, the definitions of the word is as follows:
1. "of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person : a kind and loving person"
2. "having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence : kind words"
3. "indulgent, considerate, or helpful; humane (often followed by to): to be kind to animals"
4. "mild; gentle; clement: kind weather"
5. British Dialect: loving; affectionate
Are we doing this?? At the very least, for the ones we love.....are we doing this? For our friends, for our neighbors, for our acquaintances, are we kind?
Taking all of that above into consideration, I thought to myself well, what is the true definition of "being kind" then? Again, according to Dictionary.com the exact definition of being kind is:
"gracious, kindhearted, kindly imply a sympathetic attitude others, and a willingness to do good. Kind implies a deep-seated characteristic shown either habitually or on occasion by considerate behavior."
Are we being sympathetic to someone else's needs?
So now, with the progression, my next question is, well, what truly is a kind person then? I did a lot of research on this topic. So many opinions and quotes and people with their own ideas and formulations of what makes someone kind. I read articles, I looked up quotes, I read on social media. The one that stuck with me; the one that truly resonated with me was a quote from an article straight from www.huffingtonpost.ca, which was a contributor platform for the Huffington Post, that states, "A kind person is loving and giving out of the goodness of their heart..... Kind people have good self-esteem and because they love themselves as much as they care about others, they expect to be treated with respect." This quote resonated with me because I wholeheartedly agree with it all, to an extent. To me, a kind person is kind out of the goodness of their heart, they do care about others just as much as they care about themselves, and they want others to treat them in the same way too, but there's something that makes me question this, which brings mindfulness into play. Sometimes you are kind to other people, without expecting anything in return; taking other people's needs into consideration, and knowing that the act of kindness you just participated in, is enough of a fulfillment for yourself, and for that other person, that you don't need anything in return. So then that leads into gratitude. To be grateful for what you have and the kindness that you can instill onto others. It's all relative, to me at least.
So, then what happens when a kind person thinks they are being kind, but they are actually being unkind, because they can't see from a different perspective? Unkind being the choice word because of what is clarified below. Are those people truly at fault though for not being able to see from a different perspective, to the kindness and thoughtfulness that others may need, just because maybe they just aren't capable? Can someone who considers themselves to be a kind person even begin to see themselves as being unkind and, in some instances, can kindness come with a little bit of self centering, where the kind person believes that they are always kind and can do or say no wrong and can't see that they are being unkind?
So I follow this up with the true definition of unkind. Coming straight from www.merriam-webster.com the definition of unkind is as follows: (all capped words typed as is right from the source itself)
not pleasing or mild: INCLEMENT // and unkind climate
lacking in kindness or sympathy: HARSH, CRUEL
Coming from Oxford Languages, Google's dictionary, the word unkind is defined as "inconsiderate and harsh to others."
Are we being inconsiderate to others?
So, here comes the big question again..... can people who consider themselves kind, actually end up being unkind? Can someone who considers themselves to be kind, expect the same type of kindness in return, with no consideration of others' experiences and situations, and therefore can become inconsiderate to someone else's needs because they expect the same kind of kindness in return? Should kindness be differentiated? Does that all even make sense? LOL.
In my opinion, kindness to others comes in forms that are different from person to person. You can be a kind person, but the kindness you give out to someone else can be different from the kindness you need to receive or can even be different from person to person. Take a classroom setting for example....a teacher is kind to all of their students, but the teacher learns what each individual child's needs are and the kindness continues to grow and progress and flourish in terms of what each child's needs are. In order to be kind, or to be a kind person, it almost seems like empathy needs to go hand in hand. Or some form of sympathy or compassion, or some kind of understanding, at the very least.
So once again, following this progression, my next thought is what is the best definition for the word empathy? Coming from greatergood.berkley.edu "The term 'empathy' is used to describe a wide range of experiences. Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people's emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling." I know from my own experiences, empathy is a skill that you either have or you don't have. It is a skill that can be acquired, but it takes some time if your brain just doesn't flow that way. I know that I am, in fact, a very empathetic person. I've always had the ability to sense what other people are feeling. Even if I'm not with them at the time, I can hear someone's story and I can literally feel what they might have been feeling, which can be good or bad. Good in a sense because I feel like it puts me more in tune to what others might need in a given situation, and that's where my kindness fits in; whereas because of my empathy I can almost tailor my kindness to what that person might need. It's also bad because imagining what others have been through or the ability to feel what they might have felt like isn't so dreamy. Maybe that's why I can't watch shows like True Crime or Dateline, or any horror show or movie for that matter, because I have this ability to feel or sense what a person could have been feeling. And I kinda don't want to.
I've always had this empathetic ability though, and I feel that it really aides in my "being kind to others" because I always take into account of what a person might need because of what someone is or isn't going through at the time. Coupled with my craziness of a life that I've been handed for the past couple of years, I feel like I can help anyone. But sometimes it can backfire because I'm sooooo unbelievably considerate of what others need, that I can get really down if I don't get the same in return. I then question why others aren't as considerate to what others may need during a specific time in their lives, good or bad, especially if that person means a lot to them.
With all that I've stated, I guess I've come to my own conclusion that an empathetic person can be kind and a non-empathetic can be kind too, but I guess my real question is, can the non-empathetic person be just as kind as the empathetic person? Because the non-empathetic person cannot understand where the other person or people are coming from, therefore maybe it's hard for the non-empathetic person to truly know what kind of kindness that other person needs. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I make no sense. Maybe I had a little too much time on my hands and Laguinitas to think and write tonight, but one things for sure....I am always thinking and I'm always feeling. Always.
So who has something to add? Who has answers to my questions? Who can provide some insight? Data? Research?? I would absolutely love to hear thoughts, opinions, and
perspectives on the matter..... Can someone who thinks that they are kind, actually be self centered, being that they expect the same exact kindness in return? Is kindness something that should be differentiated and can empathetic people be kinder than non-empathetic people?
I know I went deep tonight but believe me, it actually helped me work things through in my own brain. Please share your thoughts and thank you for reading. As always, stay safe.
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