Me In 2023

Everyone talks about New Year's resolutions and reflections, and for years so did I . January 1st every year it's "okay what happened last year that didn't work out and what can I change for this new year", but this year I am doing it a little differently. I am looking at what DID work out and ALL the things I was able to accomplish. I want to get back to seeing my experiences in a positive light and not look back and be so disappointed and frustrated in where my life has taken me. And the greatest accomplishments in my eyes - aside from continuing to beat cancer - are my kids. I managed (with the help of my awesome husband and circle) to have the most caring, loving, kind-hearted, bravest, best two boys, and their connection and bond to one another is the most amazing thing. WE did this. I DID THIS.. while beating, recovering, and surviving breast cancer for the past 4 years. I look at all of the love and time and experiences that we have been able to give to them. I look at the home we've created and everything we've been able to provide thus far, even through the most darkest and challenging of times for us and for me.

So today I look back on all of the things I learned about myself, and that I was able TO DO, like things so simple as my hair growth or being able to raise my left arm higher than I have been able to in years. I feel proud that I know myself better now than I did even a year ago, that I know when I need to take some time out for myself and that Jason and I can work together to make that happen, that I know what I need when it comes to my health and well-being and I listen to my body and that I advocate for myself when I need to. I feel proud that I can stand up for what I believe in and that I voice when I am not okay and that when something isn't serving me well, that it is okay to get out; and it is not quitting or giving up, it's moving on. It definitely took some time, lots of work( and LOTS of therapy lol), within the past few weeks even towards the end of 2022 to finally be okay with who I am right now, because yes, I am the same Michele, but my whole being has completely changed and I've been trying to figure out what that means.

So what have I learned and what am I proud of? Here is me in 2023:

I love being with my kids and playing with them and I love spending time with my husband.

I love spending time with the rest of my family.

Family days for me are the best days.

I want to spend lots of time with the people who mean the most.

I love catching up with old friends.

I love going out to dinner with Jason ( when we have a babysitter of course) and I don't mind staying out a little late on a Friday or Saturday night.

I love being social and being out.

But I do also love to stay home by myself sometimes.

I love watching Sunday football ( like I am right now).

I love writing, painting and some basic DIY.

I love breweries and craft beer.

I love wine.

It's okay to like having drinks at dinner when out.

I love the summer.

I dislike winter but my hot flashes get so bad that I'm learning that the silver lining of winter for me is that I can cool off fast, lol.

I don't like wearing jackets because they are too constricting for me.

It's okay to change hair colors and styles - hair will always grow back - I know that 1st hand.

I don't need longer eyelashes or thicker eyebrows so it's okay that they didn't grow back so much.

I love browsing through the racks at Marshall's and TJMaxx. I find it therapeutic.

I love living 20 minutes from the beach. And I love that I can just go there whenever I feel the need to.

I love going on drives.

One of my favorite drives is along Ocean Ave from Belmar to the Highlands and I take this drive a lot, preferably by myself with my windows down and my music turned up. Yes, I will sing out loud the whole way too.

I love P!NK and listen to her station on Pandora while I cook almost every night.

I love a beer or glass of wine while I cook.

I love sitting down at my kitchen table on Sunday mornings to plan out our week.

I am okay staying at home during the day by myself, even for a few days in a row and not having anything to do.

I love meeting friends for coffee.

Knowing when to walk away from something that isn't serving me is okay - it's not giving up.

It is okay to not be okay but you have to find your way back to being okay again.

I could float in a pool with music on and a drink in my hand for hours.

Writing is my outlet.

I share my writing in hopes of helping others.

I also share my writing to connect and to let others in. I am always an open book.

I want to write my own book.

I also want to start a podcast.

I love when my articles get featured in online publications.

Yes, I still talk about my cancer. It is something that will never leave me and I feel is important to keep talking about. It still is and will always be a huge part of my life.

I might not see certain things as big deals anymore because of everything I've been though.

I believe we can do hard things.

I believe children are strong and resilient and they learn from us. If we think something is a big deal, then they will too.

I will always give my time to my kids.

I still love to sing and will go to karaoke anytime (even on a weeknight lol).

I just can't get with this high-waisted jeans and shirt tuck in trend phase.

Active-wear is still life for me.

I still love watching Housewives of NJ.

I still also love watching Jersey Shore and may have driven by their houses...

I am okay with people not liking me or not understanding me.

But I know that I am truly kind-hearted and always have the most best intentions.

Trauma therapy is something that all cancer survivors should be offered.

I have been in survival mode for the past 4 years and it's okay.

I am still learning to be okay with the many physical ailments I have but I have come a long way and I've learned to make modifications for myself.

Sometimes I lose my train of thought while speaking. Sometimes I take a long pause to remember. It's just another residual side effect of chemo - yes it's been looked into.

I had A LOT of aggressive chemotherapy and my body is still recovering.

I am often in pain most days in my spine, the left side of ribs, my left hand, left fingers and left arm but you'd never know it. Yes we are continuing to monitor.

I can get mentally overstimulated easily but I've learned to take breaks when necessary.

PTSD and anxiety are parts of my everyday life now but I'm learning the tools to manage.

I am internally stronger than anyone will ever know.

I am proud of who I am and what I have been able to do.

I love my friends who will always listen and continuously stand by me through everything.

My goal for this year ahead is to just keep being me, to spend time with my family and friends and to appreciate those who want to come along for the ride.

Cheers to 2023

Happy New Year!!